Because Imma Fat Girl, I Committed a Cardinal Sin

So another night goes by where I’m supposed to be tackling these 10 loads of laundry strewn across my room, but that was cut short long before the hunger monster crept up on me.  Gaga’s performance nipped the whole night in the bud and shortly after that, I found out that Chicago was coming on, so I had the rest of my night planned.  The night continues to go as planned until I feel a rumble in my tummy…I hadn’t eaten since 7.  While trying to figure out what I was going to eat to make me feel full or at least somewhat full, I realized that I didn’t have a damn thing in here because I’m about to leave for vacation.  After a little meandering, I found some leftovers from my brunch on Saturday and was determined to make it work.  I decided to make a sandwich with these sandwich thins things.

The "thins things"

This is where things begin to get a bit sticky with my namesake…my friend bought some turkey bacon for the brunch I had on Saturday and there was some left.  As the Bacon Aficionado, how dare I eat turkey bacon!  I’m actually about to vomit thinking about this.  Anyhow, that’s the only meat product in my fridge so I go for it.  I figured that if I cooked enough pieces it’ll give me the thickness and taste of legitimate porkified baconry…nope!  It looked like a Fruit Roll-Up, smelled like ham, didn’t crinkle up like the real bacon in the picture on the packaging and tasted like crap!


But I was hungry, so I grabbed some fresh spinach (who will almost always make an appearance in my blogs), slathered some spicy deli mustard on that bad boy and went to town!


The sandwich wasn’t as bad as I thought…it had the taste of meat, not the bacon that I was looking for, but it was sufficient.  I’m sure I’ll be the first one the Lord decides to smite during the next (REAL) rapture!

Dig's hopin'!



Filed under Casey, Posts

4 responses to “Because Imma Fat Girl, I Committed a Cardinal Sin

  1. Amanda

    Did you actually eat turkey bacon?!?! You have to fry it or broil it in real butter for it to taste like bacon and look like the picture.

  2. Bless your heart. That sounds pitiful. But you’ll be eating amazing food in Puerto Rico. If you have nothing else, find some good mofongo.

  3. thebaconaficionado

    Amanda, yes I did eat that mess! I don’t see how people do it. And I don’t care what you say…regardless of what you do to that imposter, it will never taste like bacon…even if you fried it in bacon grease!

    Candace, oh I cannot wait! Last night because I was in so much pain, I ate walnuts, a banana and some dried cherries. That’s all I could manage to carry upstairs. Stay tuned for magnificent pictures!

  4. RC the Great

    Try Louis Rich turkey bacon, it’s better.

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