I need a shirt that says “I survived the pretentious tornado”


Previously, on Ham Hocks and Latke Drops…

LFL’s plans for a pretentiously delectable dinner of fruit, cheese, and bread were foiled by an equally pretentious thunderstorm, rife with tornado sirens, hail, and lightning. Rather than grab all of the just-cut fruit and cheese, LFL, along with her trusty sidekick JT, chose instead to pack up the adorable Lucycat and head for shelter in an SMU practice room.

Read the full story here.

After checking the radar, we decided that it was safe to head home right around the time I finished last night’s post. No sooner than we made it upstairs to the door, however, did we realize that it was not at all safe to leave yet–the rain was coming down in sheets, and the lightning was just a little too close for comfort.

So we sat down in the lobby to wait. The lobby, mind you, is all kinds of glassy and atrium-tastic. But we wanted to be ready to run to the car just as soon as possible, so there we sat: JT checking weather radar on his iPad; me replying to Facebook comments from my Blackberry; and Lucy all hemmed up at the back corner of her carrier, skeptically eyeing the water that I had just given her. Hell, I don’t blame the skepticism. I cut the bottom off a red plastic cup and filled it with water from the fountain. Poor cat.

And that’s when the lights started blinking. Aw hell.Back downstairs to the practice rooms we went. But not without first stopping by what JT has come to call the “Fat Room.” SMU Owen Arts Center has more damn vending machines in one area than I’ve ever seen anywhere before. You might even call the Fat Room pretentious.

At least we had options...

Pretentious vending machine dinner? Not nearly the same.

This evening’s pretentiously delicious-yet-disparaging selections: two cans of Sprite, a Twix bar, and a package of Cheez-its. I’m fairly certain that JT ate the entire bag (and the actual bag) of Cheez-its before I had enough time to stow my Twix in a pocket and pick up Lucy’s carrier. No matter, though. Because we were about to make a run for it.

As we were walking back toward the practice rooms, we noticed some people in the stairwell who were peering outside. Once we saw a guy walk out the door (the same guy, mind you, who we saw carrying a furry little dog through the building earlier that evening), we went upstairs to assess the situation for ourselves and determined it was time to get the hell out of dodge. But then it occurred to me that there was a very good possibility that the power would be out at my apartment. Or worse, maybe a tornado really did touch down in University park.

Neither the former nor latter seems to have happened. Sure, there were scattered tree limbs on the sidewalk, and a moat had developed around my building, but everything inside was dry and safe–violin, cello, cheese, and cupcakes included. So at 11:00 p.m., we began in earnest to enjoy our previously abandoned Pretentious Dinner. Victory was ours!!!

First thing was first: get Lucy some milk. She deserved it!

pretentious cat!

Even Lucy had pretentious dinner last night

Then on to the main course:

pretentious dinner

Post-pretentious tornado pretentious dinner

And finally, dessert:

mmm....pretentious dessert

mmm....pretentious dessert

So again I say, I need a shirt that says “I survived the pretentious tornado.”

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